Out of the Doghouse

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating

by Robert Weiss, LCSW. (2017)

Get Out of the Doghouse and Back into Your Marriage!

Men and women are very different when it comes to relationships, and this difference is amplified when a man cheats. While men are able to compartmentalize things like casual sex, women typically view any form of cheating as an affront to their entire relationship. They think: “If he is lying to me about sex, he’s probably lying to me about everything.” For betrayed women, trust just flat-out disintegrates. Without proper guidance, men–who are often unaware of the type and degree of pain they have caused their spouse–have little chance of restoring it.

Underneath the hurt and betrayal, usually there is still love. Where there is love and motivation for change, there is hope for the relationship to move forward. Robert Weiss, a nationally acclaimed expert in the treatment of sex, infidelity, and intimacy issues, has spent over 25 years helping couples find peace and healing. In “Out of the Doghouse” he shares his expertise, illuminating the concrete steps men can take to rebuild trust, restore intimacy, and save their primary relationship. He also gives direction to women on how to know when it is okay to move beyond fear, suspicion, and remorse to a place of hope and relationship renewal.

The Couple Connection

The Couple Connection

CoupleConnection is a ‘do it yourself’ relationship support service run by OnePlusOne, the UK’s leading relationship research organisation. It puts a wealth of research and practical experience into your hands, thus empowering couples to work on their relationships. The site provides a wide range of articles, self-assessment tools, activities, quizzes, exercises and courses to help you to improve and strengthen your relationship.

 

http://thecoupleconnection.net/quizzes

Love Quiz: Do You Really Know Your Partner?

Love Quiz: Do You Really Know Your Partner?

From The Gottman Institute, A Research-Based Approach to Strengthening Relationships

Worldwide leaders in research and couples therapy, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have found that one of the most important characteristics of successful relationships is the quality of the friendship between partners.

Do you really know your partner?

Take our quiz below to find out.

Love Quiz: Do You Really Know Your Partner?

How to Understand Your Partner and Get Your Needs Met

How to Understand Your Partner and Get Your Needs Met

Couples therapists explain why mutual understanding can be mutually satisfying

By Diane Barth, LCSW, Off the Couch

Posted March 17, 2012

At PsychologyToday.com

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201203/how-understand-your-partner-and-get-your-needs-met

Intimate Justice Scale

The Intimate Justice Scale

By Kay Bradford, PhD, LMFT

Read each item below to see if it describes how your partner usually treats you. Then circle the number that best describes how strongly you agree or disagree with whether it applies to you.

1.My partner never admits when she or he is wrong.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

2.My partner is unwilling to adapt to my needs and expectations.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

3.My partner is more insensitive than caring.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

4. I am often forced to sacrifice my own needs to meet my partner’s needs.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

5.My partner refuses to talk about problems that make him or her look bad.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

6.My partner withholds affection unless it would benefit her or him.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

7.It is hard to disagree with my partner because she or he gets angry.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

8.My partner resents being questioned about the way he or she treats me.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

9.My partner builds himself or herself up by putting me down.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

10.My partner retaliates when I disagree with him or her.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

11.My partner is always trying to change me.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

12.My partner believes he or she has the right to force me to do things.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

13.My partner is too possessive or jealous.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

14.My partner tries to isolate me from family and friends.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

15.Sometimes my partner physically hurts me.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

 

Scoring the Intimate Justice Scale

Range:  Low: 15 (no reported violations of intimate justice)

High: 75 (pervasive violations and high likelihood of abuse)

Cutoffs:  15-29: Little risk of violence

30-45: Likelihood of minor violence

>45:  Likelihood of moderate to severe violence

If the score is over 30, assess

1) Types of abuse (sexual, psychological, physical, emotional, restrictive, etc.)

2) Abuse history (frequency, severity, and number of abusive partners)

3) Injury history (types of injuries, whether medical treatment was necessary & whether it was sought)

Further assessment may be done verbally if the client is willing, and/or via other instruments (e.g., Conflict Tactics Scale). Remember, this instrument measures the respondent’s perceptions of the other person.

Jory, B. (2004). The intimate justice scale: An instrument to screen for psychological abuse and physical violence in clinical practice.  Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30, 29-44.

Relationship Quiz

Relationship Quiz

By Julienne B. Derichs, LCPC, is a Couples Counselor, writer, and adjunct faculty at National – Louis University.

The quiz was developed by Julienne Derichs, expert couples counselor. The Relationship Checkup is a list of 11 points that will help you evaluate your relationship. These points are based on research completed separately by psychologists Judith Wallerstein and John Gottman.

http://www.jbdcounseling.com/Relationship-Check-Up.html

Understanding Attachment: How Our ‘Old Stuff’ Defines Us

Understanding Attachment: How Our ‘Old Stuff’ Defines Us

August 18, 2016

By Jeremy McAllister, MA, LPC, GoodTherapy.org Topic Expert Contributor

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/understanding-attachment-how-our-old-stuff-defines-us-0818165?utm_source=Subscribers&utm_campaign=562e27a994-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2016_11_23&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_135946a8dd-562e27a994-71304725

Limitations During Conflicts

Limitations During Conflicts

What is and what is not acceptable behavior while you’re having a conflict? (be specific, including voice tone, physicality, what you do and don’t want said, and how the argument starts and ends).

For me, it’s acceptable to behave in the following ways during a fight:

For me, it’s NOT acceptable to behave in the following ways during a fight:

Share with each other what you wrote above then take notes on your partner’s limits below:

For my partner, it’s acceptable to behave in the following ways during a fight:

For my partner, it’s NOT acceptable to behave in the following ways during a fight:

Talk about how you’d like to limit your conflicts. List limits you can both agree to keep.

List limits you can’t agree upon below: