How to Understand Your Partner and Get Your Needs Met

How to Understand Your Partner and Get Your Needs Met

Couples therapists explain why mutual understanding can be mutually satisfying

By Diane Barth, LCSW, Off the Couch

Posted March 17, 2012

At PsychologyToday.com

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201203/how-understand-your-partner-and-get-your-needs-met

Intimate Justice Scale

The Intimate Justice Scale

By Kay Bradford, PhD, LMFT

Read each item below to see if it describes how your partner usually treats you. Then circle the number that best describes how strongly you agree or disagree with whether it applies to you.

1.My partner never admits when she or he is wrong.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

2.My partner is unwilling to adapt to my needs and expectations.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

3.My partner is more insensitive than caring.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

4. I am often forced to sacrifice my own needs to meet my partner’s needs.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

5.My partner refuses to talk about problems that make him or her look bad.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

6.My partner withholds affection unless it would benefit her or him.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

7.It is hard to disagree with my partner because she or he gets angry.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

8.My partner resents being questioned about the way he or she treats me.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

9.My partner builds himself or herself up by putting me down.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

10.My partner retaliates when I disagree with him or her.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

11.My partner is always trying to change me.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

12.My partner believes he or she has the right to force me to do things.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

13.My partner is too possessive or jealous.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

14.My partner tries to isolate me from family and friends.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

15.Sometimes my partner physically hurts me.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

 

Scoring the Intimate Justice Scale

Range:  Low: 15 (no reported violations of intimate justice)

High: 75 (pervasive violations and high likelihood of abuse)

Cutoffs:  15-29: Little risk of violence

30-45: Likelihood of minor violence

>45:  Likelihood of moderate to severe violence

If the score is over 30, assess

1) Types of abuse (sexual, psychological, physical, emotional, restrictive, etc.)

2) Abuse history (frequency, severity, and number of abusive partners)

3) Injury history (types of injuries, whether medical treatment was necessary & whether it was sought)

Further assessment may be done verbally if the client is willing, and/or via other instruments (e.g., Conflict Tactics Scale). Remember, this instrument measures the respondent’s perceptions of the other person.

Jory, B. (2004). The intimate justice scale: An instrument to screen for psychological abuse and physical violence in clinical practice.  Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30, 29-44.

Understanding Attachment: How Our ‘Old Stuff’ Defines Us

Understanding Attachment: How Our ‘Old Stuff’ Defines Us

August 18, 2016

By Jeremy McAllister, MA, LPC, GoodTherapy.org Topic Expert Contributor

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/understanding-attachment-how-our-old-stuff-defines-us-0818165?utm_source=Subscribers&utm_campaign=562e27a994-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2016_11_23&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_135946a8dd-562e27a994-71304725