Why We Love People Who Hurt Us


The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us, by Ross A. Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC (2013)

Also by Ross A. Rosenberg …

Anger Turned Inside Out: New Perspective On Anger

Anger is a sign that something needs to change.

Anger is hurt and fear of abandonment turned inside out.

Anger is a secondary feeling that is often identified as the primary emotion. It, therefore, never communicates anything constructive.

Behind every terrifying roar of anger is a hurt or frightened person who is ineffectively trying to get others to love, affirm and accept them.

Anger is a futile and paradoxical boundary that some people utilize in order to avoid being hurt.

Anger is often confused with real power and strength.

Anger that achieves control and domination ALWAYS encourages dissent and rebellion.

Control with intimidating anger requires a constant flow of it.

Intimidated people often adapt to anger, thereby requiring higher levels of destruction.

Eventually, the angry person is expelled from their position of power and domination, which reveals them as the abusive coward that they really are.

Anger is misidentified as a powerful sense of righteousness and conviction.

Hurtful anger always backfires when used against the one’s you love.

Anger always divides relationships, never reconciles them

Intimidating anger may be used to bully or control, but in actuality, it is a defensive reaction from a frightened or cowardly person.

The angry, intimidating people were defenseless victims of aggression or abuse at one time.

After the destructive consequences of hurtful anger, many people regret the harm they caused.

Anger NEVER communicates one’s deeper more fundamental feelings.

Intimidating anger does not come from a position of strength but rather a place of fear.

We must be the guardians against our own anger. With vigilance, we can avoid falling prey to ourselves.

What’s in being “king of the jungle” when you are alone?