Category: Relationships

Intimate Justice Scale

The Intimate Justice Scale

By Kay Bradford, PhD, LMFT

Read each item below to see if it describes how your partner usually treats you. Then circle the number that best describes how strongly you agree or disagree with whether it applies to you.

1.My partner never admits when she or he is wrong.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

2.My partner is unwilling to adapt to my needs and expectations.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

3.My partner is more insensitive than caring.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

4. I am often forced to sacrifice my own needs to meet my partner’s needs.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

5.My partner refuses to talk about problems that make him or her look bad.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

6.My partner withholds affection unless it would benefit her or him.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

7.It is hard to disagree with my partner because she or he gets angry.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

8.My partner resents being questioned about the way he or she treats me.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

9.My partner builds himself or herself up by putting me down.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

10.My partner retaliates when I disagree with him or her.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

11.My partner is always trying to change me.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

12.My partner believes he or she has the right to force me to do things.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

13.My partner is too possessive or jealous.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

14.My partner tries to isolate me from family and friends.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

15.Sometimes my partner physically hurts me.

I strongly agree                     I do not agree              I don’t agree at all

1                    2                    3                    4                    5

 

Scoring the Intimate Justice Scale

Range:  Low: 15 (no reported violations of intimate justice)

High: 75 (pervasive violations and high likelihood of abuse)

Cutoffs:  15-29: Little risk of violence

30-45: Likelihood of minor violence

>45:  Likelihood of moderate to severe violence

If the score is over 30, assess

1) Types of abuse (sexual, psychological, physical, emotional, restrictive, etc.)

2) Abuse history (frequency, severity, and number of abusive partners)

3) Injury history (types of injuries, whether medical treatment was necessary & whether it was sought)

Further assessment may be done verbally if the client is willing, and/or via other instruments (e.g., Conflict Tactics Scale). Remember, this instrument measures the respondent’s perceptions of the other person.

Jory, B. (2004). The intimate justice scale: An instrument to screen for psychological abuse and physical violence in clinical practice.  Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30, 29-44.

Understanding Attachment: How Our ‘Old Stuff’ Defines Us

Understanding Attachment: How Our ‘Old Stuff’ Defines Us

August 18, 2016

By Jeremy McAllister, MA, LPC, GoodTherapy.org Topic Expert Contributor

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/understanding-attachment-how-our-old-stuff-defines-us-0818165?utm_source=Subscribers&utm_campaign=562e27a994-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2016_11_23&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_135946a8dd-562e27a994-71304725

Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships

That’s Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships, by Deborah Tannen. (2011)

“Tannen combines a novelist’s ear for the way people speak with a rare power of original analysis….Fascinating.”
—Oliver Sacks, author of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and The Mind’s Eye

In That’s Not What I Meant!, Deborah Tannen, renowned communication expert and author of the New York Times bestsellers You’re Wearing THAT? and You Just Don’t Understand, explores how conversational styles can make or break interpersonal relationships at home, at work, or at play. Fans of her books and the healthily curious reader interested in popular psychology, feminism, linguistics, or social sciences will be fascinated by Tannen’s remarkable insights into unintentional conversational confusion.  That’s Not What I Meant! is an essential guide to recognizing and adjusting what we say and how we are saying it in order to strengthen or save a relationship.

Building Loving Relationships

Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships, by Sue Johnson. (2011)

Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson over 20 years ago and practiced all over the world, EFT has been heralded by Time magazine and the New York Times as the couple therapy with the highest rate of success. Couples who use EFT see a 75 per cent success rate. The therapy program focuses on the emotional connection of every relationship by de-escalating conflict, creating a safe emotional connection, and strengthening bonds between partners. In HOLD ME TIGHT, EFT pioneer Dr. Sue Johnson presents her highly effective therapy model to the general public for the first time. Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.

Mindful Loving

Mindful Loving: 10 Practices for Creating Deeper Connections, by Henry Greyson, PhD. (2004)

In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Henry Grayson shares his breakthrough techniques for creating deeper and more lasting connections with our loved ones. Henry Grayson, a psychologist, relationship counselor, psychoanalyst, and former minister who has been working with couples and individuals to improve their relationships for over thirty years, has found that most people are actually more unhappy after marriage counseling or couples therapy. In Mindful Loving he sets aside the traditional methods of therapy to show you how to look at your relationships from a completely different perspective. By getting to the root of our relationship problems, which stem from our thoughts and beliefs and mistaken ideas about our own identities, Grayson creates a whole new framework—one where psychology, spirituality, and science meet—in which to view intimacy.