Pat Anderson
Divided Sisters: African American and European American Women
MLS, 468, Spring 1997
Instructor: Midge Wilson
Abstract
Few relationships are as complex as those between Black and White women in lesbians relationships. In many senses, they “have it all.” They may embody issues of race, class, ethnicity, and religiosity, as well the lesbian butch-femme identities, and individual personalities of the women involved. The challenges they face have much to teach those of us struggling to de-internalize the multiple societal barriers that keep us estranged from one another. Society as a whole could be served by engaging in public discourse and reflective thought in regard to the experiences of these women. In this paper, I include perspectives taken from interviews with interracial lesbian couples, American On-Line survey results, current literature on the topic, and insights into how therapists might become informed and sensitized to the unique struggles that interracial lesbian couples face in forming such relationships. I will also touch lightly on the moral implications involved from a feminist ethical perspective. I hope to shed light on what life is like for lesbians in interracial relationships, and what can society as a whole can learn from their experiences. Finally, as a future feminist counselor, I am also interested in how I what I might learn from these women that will enhance my ability to help them and all future clients.
Lesbian Interracial Relationships: Getting Beyond Differences?
When lesbians become romantically involved with women of different colors, cultures, classes, and ethnicities, they not only face the challenge of getting along with one another as human beings, they also bring with them multiple dimensions of our society’s issues with difference. As a result, lesbians involved in romantic interracial relationships, face problems in “living happily ever after” that leap far beyond what a White or Black, heterosexual, working or middle class couple could even imagine dealing with. It’s common knowledge that heterosexual couples fail quite often at “living happily ever after.” The bridges that need to be gaped among these couples is complex and profound.
One major difference between homosexual and heterosexual communities is that lesbians and gay men have organizations to bring different racial and ethnic groups together for purposes of support and socializing. A lesbian group that I’m familiar with is called Women of All Colors and Cultures Together. The gay male counterpart is called Men of All Colors Together.
According to Midge Wilson and Kathy Russell (1996), interracial sexuality is more common between lesbians than between heterosexuals. Just being a lesbian challenges a major taboo. Once you’ve challenged one major taboo challenging others isn’t as big a deal (Wilson & Russell, 1996). I interviewed seven women who are in or who have been involved with women of another race. I wanted to know the stories of their lives together. I started the in person interviews by asking them about their experiences with race as they were growing up and progressed on to family and friend issues, how they did or did not discuss their differences, and how they perceived their differences. I wondered what it was about them or their life experiences that allowed them to love across the societal gap.
Annie & Pat
Annieand Pat are a forty-something year old mixed-race couple who have been together for eighteen years. Annie is White and Pat is Black. When I initially called to ask about doing the interview Annie said Pat would probably talk to me about it. She didn’t know what to say about it. When Pat called me back she said she would love to talk about it. Before I could begin to explain the interview she asked, “Why is it when our group gets together I’m always the only Black” (Pat, 1997)? I sensed she thought I might have an answer.
I asked them about what they learned as kids about racism. Annie remembers a neighbor, affectionately called “Nigger Marie” who, to Annie’s mother shock, took her food out on the back porch and placed it on newspaper, the first time she had dinner at their house. She told Annie’s shocked mother that that’s what other White folks expected of her. Annie still speaks to Marie today (Annie, 1997). Pat said that some Whites have Blacks eat on paper plates and use plastic silverware in their homes (Pat, 1997).
Annie’smother once took ina homeless Black woman named Rebecca. When she began to have trouble breathing and wouldn’t go the hospital, Annie’s mom called the police. Her mother was shocked because the police assumed that a Black person would be kept in the basement, never in the bedroom. By the time the police got to Rebecca was dead (Annie, 1997). Annie’s mother taught her a precious lesson about interracial family values.
Pat’s mother worked for a White family. She cleaned a house where the parents lived on the first floor and the daughter and son-in-law lived on the second floor. She was allowed to eat with the parents, but not with the daughter and son-in-law. She learned it was possible to hold very different race values, even within one household (Pat, 1997).
Bringing White friends home was normal for Pat. She was with mostly White people until fourteen and was one of four Blacks that began integration in her high school. She didn’t see differences between White and Black families, or people in general, until she was in her twenties. She hung around with a racially mixed group in college and didn’t feel different within her group, they all just did things together (Pat, 1997). Both Annie and Pat deny being raised with prejudice or racism (Annie & Pat, 1997), an amazing feat in our racist society. Stories like these leave indelible impressions upon a child’s mind. Impressions that could be viewed as seeds planted that would allow for the blooming of a loving interracial relationship.
Annie and Pat say they’ve never discussed race and still don’t (Annie & Pat, 1997). Annie says that she and her son don’t see color so it wasn’t mentioned in their home. The first time Annie realized Pat was Black was when a kid called her nigger lover (Annie, 1997). Patsays there’s no bad word for Whites that comes near to being equivalent to the “n” word. Whites can save it as a stored weapon to use if the need arises (Pat, 1997).
Pat says the children in Annie’s family didn’t call her by name, until very recently they just called her auntie. Within Black culture you don’t call someone aunt or uncle if they’re not really related. Pat knows this is not a custom with Whites, but in the South calling someone auntie without attaching their name is degrading. Annie’s Aunt Teresa and her nephew have repeatedly told Pat, “You’re too nice to be Black” (Pat, 1997).
Pat has never felt accepted by Annie’s sister Tina. But she was recently surprised when Tina went out of her way to see that Pat got one of the holy cards from Annie’s father funeral (Pat, 1997). Annie’s niece Georgia sent a Christmas card every year for eighteen years to Annie and her son, but not to Pat. Pat says it’s Georgia’s issue, not hers. She has no desire to get back at her. Annie’s sister Rose (Georgia’s mother) is Pat’s boss at work. Pat says it’s Rose’s problem if she’s racist. She’s not uncomfortable about Rose’s racism, she pretends and says she accepts Rose. Pat loves Annie’s cousins, but they don’t talk about race (Pat, 1997). How sad that bits of acceptance took sixteen or seventeen years to come out.
Annie said her neighbors initially didn’t speak to them after Pat moved in, but after awhile they did speak. There have always been Mexicans in the area, but there’s more Blacks now (Annie, 1997). Pat said they got a lot of negativity from other lesbians about their relationship lasting because of race. At the time they were dating there were a lot fights going on in the lesbian bars between Hispanic and White women. This was confusing because many of these women were dating each other. When Black and Whites were dating it was more likely that the Black woman would be attacked, claiming she was “selling out”. When Hispanics were dating White women the White women were more likely to be accused or attacked for being in the relationship (Pat, 1997).
Pat said Black women didn’t understand her interracial relationship. Black culture doesn’t understand, they think you have to give up something. Pat is very strong about not giving up friends at the beginning of relationships, as lesbians frequently do (Pat, 1997). Pat came out to her mother once and her mother simply told her not to tell her father. They don’t talk about her being gay (Pat, 1997).
Compared to White lesbians, Black lesbians face even greater hate within their communities, as a result they need a great deal of support from one another (Wilson & Russell, 1996). As I see it, Pat has had to given up something of vital importance – other Black women. It could be argued that Black women are additionally oppressed when they focus their lives within White culture because of interracial relationships.
Pat has only been with White women. In nineteen seventy two there weren’t many Black women in the lesbian bars. Before she met Annie,Pat had only dated one Black women and they were never sexual. One White woman did break up with her because of racial problems. Pat’s first lover was a White woman, Arlene (the same one I interviewed, they’re good friends today), who she met in college. She dated White women because that’s just who she met (Pat, 1997). When I tried to discuss sexual experience with Annie she said laughingly that Pat is her, “first and last Black woman” (Annie, 1997).
Pat recently talked with her a very old friend Connie, who is White, about race. She said, “White people just don’t get it about race.” At times she might not want to go somewhere because of race, but she doesn’t say anything. She’s in a weird kind of spot because she talks back now that she’s older. If she knows there will be someone in a group who might say something racist she has to struggle with being nice for her friends and not say anything. Her recent instinct is to talk back, but it’s a touchy situation. She feels if people are nervy enough to ask her rude questions and say rude things about her race they should accept her response. She’s never really comfortable, unless she knows people personally, otherwise you feel like you’re walking on eggs. Her partner and her best friend Connie don’t understand how she feels when she’s the only Black person in a social setting (Pat, 1997).
Perhaps because Annie doesn’t see race and because Pat feels that White women “just don’t get it,” Annie and Pat didn’t come up with any advantages in being in an interracial relationship. Another aspect involved is the butch-femme identity issue. Annie seems to be the stereotypical soft butch, she’s more quiet and reserved. Like many husbands I’ve encountered, when I initially called she deferred the issue of talking to Pat. Pat seems very femme. She talks constantly and openly about her feelings. I wonder about personal and political power issues that might be involved here too.
Dawn & Shirley
Dawn and Shirley have been together for twenty seven years. Despite still living together, they have considered themselves broken up for about a year now. They still live together for financial reasons, they own a home together and Dawn is living on disability (Dawn & Shirley, 1997). Dawn is White, in her early fifties and grew up in Italian, Polish, and Mexican neighborhood. Her father had Black friends, but spoke openly about his racism. Her brother has adopted her father’s racism. Dawn’s mom’s best friend, Eleanor Harris, was Black and was at their house all the time. Dawn once had a “Black Angel” who supported her when she was the only White nurse’s aid at a psychiatric facility for the retarded. She described herself as a humanitarian (Dawn, 1997).
ShirleyisBlack, in her mid-forties and came from a small Black farm town in Tennessee. She remembers being friends with some Whites, but didn’t go to grammar school with Whites. When she was five she spent an entire summer playing with a local White girl. When the girls’ father returned to the family, the girl told her, “I can’t play with you anymore cause you’re a nigger.” Most of Shirley’s experience was with Black people until her freshman year of high school when she was bussed to a White school, which was extremely difficult (Shirley, 1997).
Dawn and Shirley have only spoken about race where their families were concerned. They’ve not spoken to their families about race or about being lesbians (Dawn & Shirley, 1997). Dawn has always felt a kinship with Blacks. She deals with people individually (Dawn, 1997). Shirleyfelt a kinship with Whites too, but says she’s very shy and people have always come to her. Who ever approached her was pretty much OK with her (Shirley, 1997). (Shirley had a hard time contributing to this interview because Dawn was much a more assertive speaker).
Shirley didn’t meet any of Dawn’s family for about three to four years because they feared their reaction. Interracial issues weren’t discussed. Dawn hasn’t seen most of her family over the last twenty seven years and says, “I don’t give a damn.” Shirley was easily accepted by Dawn’s mother and step-father. Dawn’s mother loved Shirley and said so on her death bed (Dawn, 1997).
Last summer Dawn reconnected with one of her sisters after being estranged for eight years. She visited her in Ohio. Dawn invited her to their home, but she admitted that she wouldn’t be comfortable staying there because Shirley was Black. While at her sister’s Dawn had an encounter with her previously estranged brother Rich who had taken over her father’s role as “head bigot”. He asked her, “Are there a lot of niggers in Chicago”? Despite being very angry, she maintained her cool, and used her tongue to slice his cruelty to bits. She felt very powerful telling him never to say racist things to her again. She knew she was successful because he shut up the rest of the visit (Dawn, 1997).
During last summer’s visit her sister asked if she was gay. She admitted that she was and her sister said the family always knew (Dawn, 1997). I reminded Dawn that when I first met them I used the word lesbian in their house and she got up and closed all the windows. I pointed out the change in her attitude and she said after surviving two brain surgeries she thinks differently about being who she really is (Dawn, 1997).
Despite Shirley’s family knowing that she’s lived with Dawn for twenty five years, she’s not told them she’s gay. She’s waiting for them to ask her about it, when they ask she’ll know they’re ready to know. I suggested that they might be doing the same thing. She smiled and agreed ( Shirley, 1997).
Dawn worried a great deal about what would people think of her relationship with Shirley. She was very afraid they wouldn’t accept Shirley, so to be sure Shirley wouldn’t be hurt by them, she dropped her friends. Many years later when she reunited with one of her best friends the woman asked Dawn, “Why didn’t you give me the opportunity to accept Shirley?” After finally getting to know Shirley, the woman felt she had missed out on being friends with her all these years (Dawn, 1997).
When Shirley moved to Chicago from Tennessee she didn’t have any friends and since Dawn was her first woman lover, she didn’t know any lesbians either. Shirley regrets that they didn’t have had the advantage of developing friends from many cultures. They had only a very small group of friends, leaving them very isolated with walls around them all these years (Shirley, 1997).
Shirley was Dawn’s first Black woman lover (Dawn, 1997). Dawn is Shirley’s first female lover (Shirley, 1997). Dawn brought up the fact that because she was Shirley’s boss when they met and because she was twelve years older, today their relationship might be labeled sexual harrassment (Dawn, 1997).
At some point during the interview Dawn said that she made the decisions while Shirley sat around looking good (Dawn, 1997). A week later in a phone conversation with Shirley, she revealed her anger at Dawn for saying this and for monopolizing the interview (Shirley, 1997). Dawn was also in a position of power due to her White privilege, Shirley’s lack of friends for support, it being Shirley’s first lesbian experience, and because Dawn was much more assertive. Dawn also appears to be stereotypically butch.
LaJaunessee
LaJaunessee is a Black lesbian in her forties who has dated several White women. Her first memory of racism was when her grandmother referred the insurance man as “Peckerwood”. She has no idea what this means, but she knew it was derogatory toward White men. This was the first time she became aware of any conflict between Whites and Blacks. She also learned that Whites always take Blacks money. Her grandmother had worked for White families who told her, “niggers don’t use the front door, they go to the back.” She has many memories of being called “nigger” by White children and adults alike (LaJaunessee, 1997).
LaJaunessee talked about race in some of her relationships with White women. She and one White women watched racial things on television and then talked about it. She told her White lover what she went through being Black, the woman’s response was, “that’s awful” (LaJaunessee, 1997). She‘s also experienced covert racism with White lovers. For example, when one White woman she was dating couldn’t find her watch, she had a very strong feeling that her lover thought she took it. She doubts that she would have felt suspected her had her lover not been White. She also recalls walking by a Laundromat with a White lover who told her that it had been robbed by Black man. She thought to herself, “Why not a man, just a man robbed the laundromat (LaJaunessee, 1997)?
LaJaunessee says she only brought White friends and Black lovers around her family because they’re not OK about interracial dating. There are other gay family members and when a male cousin dated a transsexual her family spoke negatively about him when she wasn’t around (LaJaunessee, 1997).
Her adult daughter is OK with her interracial relationships. She’s been around her activism in their home for years. She always finds something to talk about with White women (LaJaunessee, 1997).
She wasn’t allowed around the family of her second White lover, she was only brought to her home when the sister she lived with was gone (LaJaunessee, 1997). She had been to the third White lover’s home in Highland Park, but didn’t meet her children. The woman said she was delaying LaJauneesse’s meeting her children because her last few relationships were brief and she didn’t want the children getting attached and then they break up. This woman never went to her home on the South side. She invited her to one of her family get togethers, but the White woman said, “Is our relationship ready for meeting family”? She felt this was about racism, not about rushing their relationship. She did meet this woman’s parents. She described her mother as loving, but said her father couldn’t look at her. This woman’s family did know they were lesbians (LaJaunessee, 1997).
LaJaunesseesays sex was only fair with other Black women. They sort of take sex for granted, they think well, “that’s what you’re supposed to do.” The last Black woman she was in a relationship with had been sexually abused and had a real fear of intimacy. The sex was “OK,” but she wasn’t as affectionate as White women. She wonders if it was a result of the abuse. Another Black woman she was with was also sexually abused. She had a problem of severe jealousy. Two of the White women she’s been with were also sexually abused ( LaJaunessee, 1997).
After sleeping in her house with one of her White women lovers for the first time, LaJaunessee awoke to hear the woman open her eyes and ask, “is my car still out there?” (LaJaunessee, 1997).
She loves intimacy with White women. Sex is great with White women because they’re more appreciative of the pleasures. White women can come more often than Black women, so, “it’s an ego thing for me.” She goes into relationships with White women with a positive attitude, but racism always gets in the way ( LaJaunessee, 1997).
The first White woman she slept with was a civil rights activist. After the first time they slept together she realized that the White woman was thinking sex, and she was thinking relationship. Somewhere along the way the White woman did came to a point of also wanting a relationship, but by then she had changed and it wasn’t possible for her anymore ( LaJaunessee, 1997).
All her romantic relationships with White women were based on sex. Despite the fact that she describes herself as “Super butch,” it was always the White women who went after her. Two of the White women were femme, and one was androgynous ( LaJaunessee, 1997).
A White women she had a one night stand with told her to “wear something African” to the formal dinner benefit they were to meet at. She wore a black tie and tux. When the woman saw her she said, “that’s not African!” She’s not sure why the woman was disappointed in her not dressing African, but she speculates that the sexual charge had something to do with race. It’s painful to know about these racial differences with White women. Despite knowing that these relationships will never work, she’s lusting after a White woman right now. The advantage in interracial relationships is developing a better understanding other another culture (LaJaunessee, 1997).
LaJaunessee says it’s good having White women as friends. As long as the relationship stays friends it’s OK. She belongs to a lesbian studies group where they frequently talk openly about race. It’s good to dialogue about race. She has learned that racism is a barrier between White and Black women being sexual. She is able to become involved romantically with White women, after having painful experiences with White people, because she judges people individually (LaJaunessee, 1997).
Arlene
Arlene is a White lesbian in her forties who has dated several Black women. She dated Pat (the same Pat as in Annie and Pat, they’re all still friends) for three years. She also dated another Black woman Diane for three years. She says she was not raised to be racist or to prejudge people in her family. The first time she used the “n” word her older sister Vivian told her it was bad. Her father was only against interracial marriage because it caused problems for the children. There were no Blacks in her grammar school, but there were a few Blacks in her high school and she hung out with all of them (Arlene, 1997).
Arlene talked about race with Pat. One time when she took Pat to a doctor’s office in a White neighborhood some teenage boys threw stones and yelled racial epitaphs at them from a roof. She was very angry and told the boys to come down and meet her face to face. This made her feel ashamed of her race. Between the two of them race was not a problem. She always defended Black people. She couldn’t understand why they were treated differently. How can anyone love God and hate other people. She doesn’t think it’s human to be prejudice. Love is what it’s about not race. She’s amazed at the survival ability of Black women with all they have to endure. She feels like she fits in with Black people (Arlene, 1997).
Arlene eventually left Pat for another Black woman, Diane. They were also together for three years. (The three of them are still friends today). Diane was more insecure about race. She would ask if there would be any other Blacks where they were going and would tell her if she was afraid to go somewhere. Diane was the “great love of her life” (Arlene, 1997).
Both Arlene and Pat’s families were OK about their friendship, but they weren’t aware they were lovers. Arlene actually lived with Pat’s family for awhile on the South side of Chicago. Her older sister, Vivian is married to a Black doctor. Her family accepts their relationship, but her sister gets a lot of shit from Black women, which is very hard for Vivian to deal with. Being gay let her hide the true nature of her interracial relationships (Arlene, 1997).
Arlene says she didn’t experience any shit from the lesbian community about her interracial relationships. However later in the interview she said she feared what she might get from her peers her interracial relationships (Arlene, 1997).
Pat was Arlene’s her first Black lover and she was Pat’s first lover. Arlene had heard that Black women were supposed to be exotic, but she didn’t find any difference between Black and White women. She basically likes darker people. Being with Black women was a part of her own self discovery. (Arlene, 1997). Arlene says the advantage to dating a woman from another race is that it opens you up to other cultures, foods, and dreams (Arlene, 1997).
Arlene says the challenge is having to deal with other people’s non-acceptance. Black and White women have different types of inferiority complexes. Because White women heard stories about Black women being exotic, they feel sexually inferior to Black women. If people could only get beyond misbeliefs and just deal with each other as people. The strength that Black women have is a barrier to her in initiating relationships with them (Arlene, 1997).
Kathy
Kathy is White, in her fifties, and has had many sexual relationships with Black women. She says she wasn’t brought up with prejudice. She simply saw Blacks as people. Although she knew racism existed, race didn’t matter, she saw the person, not the race. She remembers being criticized just for walking with a Spanish guy. She was concerned about what her family and other people would think about her dating Black women, so she never talked about it. She says it didn’t matter (Kathy, 1997).
Kathy never discussed race with her Black lovers because she never thought of it, it was a sexual attraction. She couldn’t be “in love” with a Black woman because racism got in the way. You couldn’t settle down with a Black woman, “where would the two of you live?” Because she couldn’t live with or bring a Black woman home to meet her family, she didn’t take Black women seriously. She felt bad about feeling this way because she knew it was morally wrong (Kathy, 1997).
One time she dated a White woman who had a Black child. She couldn’t even get comfortable with that, so she admits she was prejudice in this case. She was too worried, fear got in her way (Kathy, 1997).
She felt the same societal pressure in the gay community as she did in the rest of society. Many lesbians felt interracial relationships were OK, but some saw them as “a step up” for the Black person. She felt more sexually free with Black women. They always accepted her and were positive toward her, so she felt a safeness with them. She could talk dirtier with Black women. She didn’t feel safe as far as her feelings were concerned though (Kathy, 1997).
While interviewing Kathy there was a sudden abrupt changein her conversation. She said she didn’t like “their ways” (Black), the way they talk, walk and act. When push comes to shove their Blackness comes out. If she’d been a plantation owner she would have had sex with Black women and kept them as slaves too. She wants to see things the “right” way, but can’t help seeing things as society does. She thinks she’s an “asshole” because look what Whites have done to Blacks and Native Americans. She has two conflicting emotions. She asked herself out loud, “Where do I stand? Do I believe in humanity or slavery” (Kathy, 1997)?
Blacks can talk White. She’s always been afraid to comment openly about how she felt about things she saw on television when she was with a Black woman. Like Black religious “shit” and other stuff they spouted that she doesn’t believe. At the same time she really believes there is no difference between women. With Black women there’s more baggage added to the burden of a lesbian relationship (Kathy, 1997).
Kathy admits that she feels repressed with White women too. With White women she can only go so far in saying what she really thinks. She’s just not free to let herself go. She said she thinks homophobia has a great deal to do with this. She’s afraid to accept herself and be who she really is. She remembers that she and her first White women lover seemed to hate each other for loving one other. Chicana lesbian writer, Cherrie Moraga (1983) said that she and her female lovers brought society’s hatreds to bed with them. She hated herself and her lover for loving one another. She never felt woman or man enough (Moraga, 1983).
Kathy thinks this has affected the rest of her life. She can’t be consistent with her true feelings because she got kicked in the ass for expressing them. She’s blamed herself the rest of her life. She doesn’t know whether or not she’s ever been “in love” (Kathy, 1997). Many White women deny being brought up to be racist, but Black women’s experience and Kathy’s frankness proves that we were.
Pootie41
Pootie41 is a forty two year old White lesbian who has been with her thirty seven year old Black partner for six years. She says, my Black lover lost all but one of her friends when she took up with me, as if she had turned her back on her community. She misses the connection with women of color. We are living happily in Arizona however, “… we live a guarded public life” (Pootie41, 1996).
They met through her fifteen year old mixed-race (Black & White) daughter. Race wasn’t a big issue for her because her children are Black. One daughter is married to a Samoan and another shares a child with a Black man. Each daughter has a son. They were having dinner with their White grand and great grandparents as she wrote this. Race has no meaning in their relationship (Pootie41, 1997).
They did discuss race at the beginning because all of her Black lovers friends ended their relationships with her. As if she had turned her back on her community. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Only one of her Black lesbian friends remained friends with her and they still talk frequently (Pootie41, 1997).
Her perceptions of race are that it’s still as ugly and rampid as it has always been. Racism was no surprise for her after having a mixed daughter in nineteen seventy three. She experienced plenty of racism daily from the to nineteen ninety one and still does (Pootie41, 1997).
When her daughter had a baby, her and her partner witnessed the birth. Her daughter’s Black spouse didn’t have any family at hospital and only immediate family were allowed in birthing room. The nurses thought my partner was the baby’s grandmother on the father’s side and me of course, on the mother’s side. She guessed that they never saw two mother-in-laws get along so well (Pootie41, 1997)!
She described their relationship as stable, happy, secure, and financially above average. Their families all like each other and get along. Her Black partner as a formal education and is very smart. She wishes she could tell me more about her, but she doesn’t trust the Internet. She protects her financially, emotionally and would physically if challenged. She cooks, she cleans. She does the laundry, she does the yard. She does the pool, she keeps the patio clean. She does landscape lighting. I keep the finances, she trusts me completely. They have legal documents protecting their investments. She looks forward to when her partner takes another set up so she can stay home all day instead of working just for health insurance (Pootie41, 1997).
She says they both bring their experience to the table of life. Their backgrounds are extremely different. She thinks they share the best of both worlds and keep balance within their lives. She says she thinks they have an almost perfect relationship (Pootie41, 1997).
Cindi
Cindi is a White woman who has had several interracial relationships. She didn’t discuss racism at the beginning of a ten year relationship and later the woman called her racist when she was angry and hurt. She was right, I was exhibiting racist behavior, which hurt her. My intent had been to do the right thing. This Black partner had a lot of internalized racism (Cindi, 1997).
One woman that she shared an eight year relationship with participated in workshops geared toward understanding racism and it’s institutionalization. They learned a lot from each other about racism. She worked on her racism a lot. She encouraged her partner to hang around with more Black people, which she had not done before they met. She recognized that in a racist society such as ours, a Black person needs to be with other Blacks in a White free space for support, so they can express feelings without being attacked by the other (Cindi, 1997).
She has a hard time associating with many other White people because they’re so racist without even realizing it. Once her consciousness was raised she saw everything differently. She thinks it’s for a risk for a Black person to become friends with a White person. Most White people don’t recognize how racist our society is. Most Whites don’t accept what they are told because they see things through their own privileged eyes. Race is significant to her because she doesn’t want to be subjected to any racism any more than a Black person. The woman she is currently involved with says that she over identifies. She says she’s probably right, but doesn’t think that’s wrong (Cindi, 1997).
Challenges for her are dealing with the rest of the White world. People who might be careful about expressing their views and opinions in front of Blacks will speak freely with her. She often finds herself calling people on their racist attitudes and actions, thus putting herself in a defensive position in which she’s inevitably attacked. Before she being involved with Black women she didn’t know a thing about White skin privilege or racism (Cindi, 1997).
She says she doesn’t sense a difference sexually. In some small way she thinks their relationship helps make the world a better place. It shows that we can get along with and love each other (Cindi, 1997).
Lisa
Lisa is a mixed-race woman, her father is Black West African and her mum is British White. She grew up in a small town on the English countryside, sheltered from the harsh realities of racism. People there didn’t make you feel different because of your race. Her parents always told her she was a human being, that race was not an issue. This shaped her into identifying herself with the human race rather than by her skin color. She’s been with three Black women, one for five years and another four and a half years (Lisa, 1997-1997).
The woman she’s with now, Elizabeth, is a bartender at a hotel. She’s fiery, honest, creative and passionate. Lisa ’s a veterinarian, down to earth, honest, low key, and romantic. They met on-line a year ago and have been together ever since. They talked about race right from their first instant messages when they described themselves to each other. Race has no meaning in their relationship. They see no disadvantage, advantage or challenge being in an interracial relationship. Both were always attracted to women of other races (Lisa, 1996-1997).
Their relationship is better than previous ones because of the person she’s with, not because of race. Race has never been a concern to either of them. They realize racism exists and always will unfortunately. She refuses to accept folks into her life who can’t accept her. “Life is too bloody short to worry about the bigots of the world – be happy and love the one you’re with!” (Lisa, 1996-1997).
Cybernoire
Cybernoire is a multiracial lesbian who has been in a relationship with a White woman for six years. They met through mutual friends and do talk about race. They discussed their experiences, beliefs, politics, ideals, hopes, childhood, and families. The meaning of race in their relationship is challenging, frustrating, infuriating, comical, exciting and educating (Cybernoire, 1996-1997).
She found a folder on-line for interracial relationships, but none specifically for women of color. She asked, “Like don’t we exist if we’re not doing it with a white girl?” At times we both just don’t “get it”. The advantage is it enlarges both of our worlds (Cybernoire, 1996-1997).
All relationships are different. Cybernoire says she’s older and more determined to have this relationship work. Their relationship is unequal economically, understanding is less than easy, but there’s lots of love, caring, and nurturing. Sometimes she gets tired of explaining her reality and the problems she faces. She thinks she’s easier with her sexuality, less inhibited, and more sexual than her White partner. She’s not sure why she believes this, but she thinks it’s related to race (Cybernoire, 1996-1997).
Emerald
Emerald is an White lesbian who was born in Ireland. She’s been in a twelve year relationship with a Black woman. She also has Black friends and has had other Black lovers. She has never been in a long term relationship with a woman of her own culture. She met her present lover in a small Texas town when they were both in their thirties (Emerald, 1997).
She says African American women and women like herself get on well because they share wonderful oral history, songs, and poetry passed on from mother to daughter. They are much closer than one might believe in the ability to keep our cultures alive despite brutal colonialism. Every atrocity carried out in Africa by the British was first practiced on the Irish from the 11th century up, from slavery to the deliberate destruction of the great oaks forest in the midlands. Lesbians have also survived the rigidity of our own church in Irish and Irish American life (Emerald, 1997).
Race is always a major topic between them because her cultural upbringing, attitudes and family background were very different. They discussed history, economics, family secrets, sociology of Black families versus Irish and the many similarities between them. They have an on going discussion with friends about how they place themselves in the world as lesbians perceived as different, and as lesbians who have no fear of one another, who are close enough to see the differences as cultural, not racial and who chose to explore that meaning in depth (Emerald, 1997).
She came from a politically committed family. Her heroes were: the Mandellas, Fannie Lou Hamer, and James Baldwin. African American culture has taught her more than mainstream White culture. They taught her about the ability to survive and grow under oppression. Despite lacking public acknowledgment by society, she was taught very early that African Americans were leading our civilization forward to freedom for all (Emerald, 1997).
She sometimes has to deal with suspicion and distrust from her lover’s family who are more affected by homophobia than racism. She also faces enormous racism from White dykes. As a result of being in her relationship her perception of racism has become a lot worse than she ever thought in Ireland – it’s pervasive, systematic, ugly and rampant in the gay community. White women have no understanding of the depth of invisibility African American women are subjected to. When someone approaches them with a question like about directions, they always ask her. It’s the same way women are dismissed if they’re with a man (Emerald, 1997).
Race affects everything. It objectifies people and our images of beauty. Her lovers have been beautiful and plain. The darkness of their skin against her White skin is an aspect of the erotic for her. She realizes some might see that as objectification. It’s an issue she always discuss with lovers first. She asks, if we don’t know why we’re attracted to someone, what’s the point? I’m attracted to Black women because of their cultural history that contains a collective expression of joy through cultural forms, music, dance, singing, storytelling, and a certain seasoning in life which usually makes them of much great intellectual and spiritual strength (Emerald, 1997).
The advantage she finds with interracial relationships is exploring other cultures, oral history, poetry, delight and joy. The challenge is to learn to listen clearly and to remember where each of us has come from. She thinks her experience has been far easier than a woman who is African American. The biggest challenge in this long term relationship has far more to do with personal dynamics than race. Her lover is under the burden of having to be a “credit to her people”, always on show, always first to break through barriers of race in her career. This took a terrible toll on us. It was stressful and hurtful to her. She couldn’t protect her partner from this or help in many situations. It forced her to become more of a caretaker than she wanted to be. She got lost and even had to leave to find her self again. It was the effect of external racism in their lives which compounded personal dynamics (Emerald, 1997).
She says she would be a lost and lonely woman without her African American friends, they’re the joy in her life. They have loved, befriended her, stood my her and have been true friends (Emerald, 1997).
Femunity
Femunity is White and has been with her Black lover for five years. She claims that many of her friends “accepted” their interracial relationship as long as they could go on without changing. They were a group of White women, so they didn’t have to change. She wasn’t prepared for seeing the racism she saw in her friends. They said they accepted our relationship and my partner but they were unable or unwilling to examine their own racism. It inevitably surfaced in their interactions with us (Femunity, 1997).
It wasn’t the kind of racism that “hit you over the head,” it was that insidious, creeping kind of racism. You get in the car on the way home and realize how shitty you feel. Her partner had been feeling shitty before they got to the car. It was hard to see their racism and as a result her own. It had been so comfortable being monocultural and ignorant (Femunity, 1997).
She sees her relationship as a gift. It’s like a pair of glasses that can be used to see better with, both herself and others. The few friends that she kept are real, love them both and don’t pretend racism isn’t still mired in the way they are together (Femunity, 1997).
Psychotherapy for Lesbians in Interracial Relationships
Lesbian writer and activist, Suzanne Pharr says that despite work by people of color and lesbians, the White lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, and transgendered community has characterized and marketed itself as White, male and middle to upper class (1996). Homosexuality is seen as a White thing in communities of color. This makes lesbians and gays of color invisible in gay and in their own racial community (Pharr, 1996).
Homophobia … has kept us “quiet” and invisible in our anti-racist work; racism has kept us “quiet” in our lesbian and gay work. She suggests that lesbians of color have a great deal to teach the rest of us about living under multiple oppressions. Pharr believes that beyond our moral duty to assist one another to see our connectedness, she warns that unless we develop a sense of “common humanity” our very survival is at stake. Pharr asks, “Which identity should a lesbian of color chose … gender, race, or sexual identity?” (Pharr, 1996, p.101). Identity issues that are political also effect us personally and within our relationships.
Societal exclusion and oppression affects our mental health and has also been internalized in the minds of mental health professionals. As a student in a counseling psychology program, I’m aware that much of what is being taught still maintains sexist, racist and homophobic assumptions. Resistance has been a survival tactic for Black people; it can make one feel better, but in long run it can actually undermine motivation. This notion is similar to the what traditional therapy has historically done about women’s oppression – it has merely helped women to cope with the effects of the oppression. It has not helped them to rise above and out of it.
Beverly Greene and Nancy Boyd-Franklin posit that traditional psychotherapy has maintained the “triple jeopardy” of being Black, female, and homosexual (1996, p.49). This socio/political environment makes it difficult for Black lesbians to attain optimal psycho/social development. The rare research that does exist about Black women has ignored sexuality and research on lesbians has been from the perspectives of middle class White women. If clinicians are to effectively treat Black women with cultural sensitivity they need culturally specific information (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
Sarah Pearlman’s review of the literature on lesbian couples reveals that most psychological literature has tuned into White/Euro-American experience. Despite the increasing number of interracial couplings, lesbians of color and interracial lesbian couples have not received equal consideration in the literature. Many interracial lesbian couples are also complicated in that they also face differences in class, culture and socioeconomic status. These couples may have these issues in common with heterosexual mixed race couples, but homophobia adds another layer of complexity to the challenges they face. Challenges such as lacking social and family support systems combined with social rules based on gender and male privilege which effect relationships and roles (Pearlman, 1996). For these reasons, I allow the scales to tip in attempting to learn more about Black lesbian experience.
African American cultural origins within West Africa, have created a legacy of nuclear and extended family networks of mutual support and obligation that have fostered more egalitarian gender roles and family values in which interdependability is of vital importance. Once in America Black women were viewed as property where their sexual lives were subject to slavemasters and African males (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
White supremacist images of Black women as promiscuous, assertive, matriarchal has served to maintain racism and has allowed Black men to blame racism on strong, emasculating Black women. Sexual racism is also involved in the Black community’s extreme homophobia. To an oppressed group the reproductive nature of sexuality to avoid extinction is highly valued. Heterosexuality is their only privilege and connection with the White norms. This racial history effects the relationships of African American lesbians to this day (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996). Wilson & Russell (1996) quote Black lesbian Barbara Smith, “”straightness” is our last resort” (p.137). To relinquish one privilege is viewed as genocidal to Black women (Wilson & Russell, 1996).
Greene and Boyd-Franklin cited studies revealing that Black lesbians, when compared to White lesbians have a greater likelihood of having children, to depend on families of origin, and fellow Black lesbians for support. They also have more involvement with heterosexuals and males. Despite their greater anxiety and alienation as a result of being homosexual, are less likely to seek therapy and when they do are more vulnerable to unsuccessful results (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
Midge Wilson and Kathy Russell (1996) quote a Black lesbian named Lisa, “most Black Lesbians identify as Black women first and lesbians second.” (p.137). White lesbians find it hard to understand that Black lesbian’s race comes before sexuality (Wilson & Russell, 1996). Homophobia within the Black community doesn’t prevent Black lesbians from feeling that being Black is a primary aspect of who they are. Loyalties are complex for Black lesbians. Should their loyalties lie with a Black community who rejects them as lesbians, or should they rest within the lesbian community, that may harbor racism (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996)?
Strong family ties within the Black community may make families reluctant to reject lesbian family members. Various levels of tolerance may be adopted. Families may use chose to deny lesbianism, or continued family support may lie “on a fragile foundation of silence, ambivalence and denial” (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996, p. 53). Therapists should be cautious about equating tolerance with acceptance which may depend on keeping the issue quiet.. Families may be friendly to a woman’s partner until the their lesbianism openly acknowledged (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996). Greene and Boyd-Franklin recommend that clients explore the various responses in a family that seem to be united in their rejection or acceptance (1996).
Because African American families find the news of homosexuality overwhelming, they don’t recommend coming out to the whole family all at once. Couples in interracial relationships, need help being supportive to one another during the coming out phase as the family’s anger may be focused on the partner’s Whiteness. As an outsider to the family and to the race, the White partner may be blamed for the Black woman’s lesbianism (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
Partially due to the greater number of White lesbians, lesbians of color and Black American lesbians become involved in interracial relationship more often than White lesbians. These interracial relationships face even greater obstacles than do heterosexual interracial relationships. For one, they’re more likely to be identified as lesbians due to their increased visibility and thus more prone to experience homophobia from family members and from society in general (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
To adapt to the reality of racism, lesbians of color develop “protective psychological armor” (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996, p. 55; Wilson & Russell, 1996). Some women are able to use this armor when they need it, some can’t. Most lesbians of color know racism when they experience it and have learned ways to cope and survive with it. When White partners face racism for the first time they may be far from prepared to recognize it, and certainly less able to address it. Because she doesn’t see racist slights, the White partner may think her Black partner’s rage is out of line, or she may see herself as “rescuer,” and actually label her Black partner “complacent” (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996, p. 56). Her Black partner may experience this protective role as unnecessary and even patronizing (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
D. Merilee Clunis and G. Dorsey Green (1993) also discuss the barrier that Black people use to defend themselves from racism as “armoring.” Armoring is a shell built around the self for the purpose of deflecting racism and for allow for paced responses to it. Not needing this armoring, White women take their relative freedom for granted. White women are unprepared for racism, they haven’t needed too observe most people and situations for potential racism. They may not perceive racial snubs as such, nor see them as caused by racism (Clunis & Green, 1993).
The White partner may end up frustrated and even angry after attempting to assuage her guilt with attempts to make reparations (impossible for her to do) for society’s racism. Being in an interracial relationship doesn’t mean that the White partner knows what racism feels like or is even without racism herself. The Black partner may still be resentful of her White lover’s privilege in the lesbian and mainstream community. Others may perceive both women as betraying their respective race and thus feel shame about the relationship. Resolving these issues within the relationship is complicated for the Black woman because of the tangled feelings of estrangement and loyalty (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
Because of the obvious and visible nature of the couple’s racial difference problems of intimacy, personal character, and individual psychological issues can easily be inappropriately racialized. Race may be used as a scapegoat that serves to deny the acknowledgment of non-racial personal issues within and outside the couple (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
Many reasons have been cited for White women seeking out Black women. One is to deal with their White guilt and/or their lacking a sense of ethnicity, or as evidence of their liberality. Because of the common stereotypical perception of Black women as exotic and sexually free White women may also be unaware of a hope to gain something they lack from Black women (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
When the White woman fails to fix her own issues or problems by being with the Black partner, she may feel betrayed and angry at her partner. The therapist can help the couple to discover expectations each had about the relationship that go deeper than generalities. Deeply hidden assumptions about how racial differences might be experienced within their intimate relationship should be a topic for reflection (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
The partners we pick doesn’t necessarily represent inner identity conflicts. When they are present they can be expressed by Black lesbians who only date White women or who don’t value other Black lesbians enough to see them as potential partners. If Black lesbians see themselves as ethnically deficient or ambiguous they might seek another Black lesbian to somehow make up for her own deficiencies and as a measure of Black community loyalty. However, clinicians need to be aware that interracial relationships are not necessarily signs of self-hate or cultural loyalty (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
When a Black lesbian is in a relationship with a woman of color, other than Black, it might be assumed that they have more in common culturally than they actually do. Sharing “triple jeopardy” oppression doesn’t mean automatic compatibility in matters of roles in relationship, housekeeping, and the roles of family and friends in their lives (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996, p. 49). A woman who is lacks a sense of family might gravitate toward a person who is highly involved with her family. This situation can cause problems of profound rejection if the partner without family unconsciously hopes that she will be included (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
When treating lesbian couples in general it is important to assist them to nurture each other and their relationship while they work on complicated family issues. It’s vitally important that they establish support systems within the lesbian community or within birth families. Various societal systems outside of therapy will be resistant to lesbians and their relationships. A feminist clinician needs to analyze the multiple interrelated systems of oppression that impact their relationships (Greene & Boyd-Franklin, 1996).
Our cultural identities are formed through our race and class status. Race is frequently a determinate of class and socioeconomic positions. In order to be sensitive and helpful to these clients, therapists must be aware of race, class and cultural differences. Differing norms, values and meanings effect individual relational dynamics and other couple issues. Each woman brings her own sense of self, of self esteem, ways of child rearing, ways to handle money and obligations to family and friends (Pearlman, 1996).
As if these differences didn’t complicate things enough, the clinician brings her/his own attitudes about interracial relationships. The clinician may think that a Black woman’s choice of a White partner may be an expression of her own racism and that a White woman who chooses a Black partner may be due to low self esteem, belief in stereotypical exotification of women of color, or an attempt to experience superiority. Underlying reasons for human preferences and behaviors are multiple, these issues may explain some of the motivation along with unconscious and conscious factors. These factors aside, it’s also possible that interracial couples really like, respect, enjoy being with and feel sexual attracted to one another (Pearlman, 1996).
If an interracial couple is to deal with racism, the White woman has to raise her consciousness about the privilege she enjoys and she must develop her own form of armoring. The Black woman will have to deal with her anger about her White partner’s privilege along with having to act as her racism instructor. Both will feel better equipped to deal with situations if they talk about them openly to ascertain the other’s feelings (Clunis & Green, 1993).
It is very important for both women to understand the pressures of the other. It is devastating for either partner to be isolated from her friends or family because of homophobia or racism. A White partner may not realize just how vital it is for women of color to be with people like herself, and may feel excluded. Both women may feel shame about wanting to be with someone from a different race; as a result they might ask themselves, What’s wrong with me? Can’t I find someone of my own kind? Coming out may be very different for the Black and White cultures. If one partner doesn’t come out the other woman might mistakenly take this as being about being ashamed of the relationship or of herself. White women may wonder whether a Black woman is interested in her only to elevate her status (Clunis & Green, 1993). In much the same way as a rich man might wonder whether he was loved for his money.
Women of color may have a concern about their White partner being referred to as an ethnic chaser who always seeks partners of another race, possibly out of racial guilt or to demonstrate their liberalism (Clunis & Green, 1993).
Clinicians, especially those who are White middle-class, who work with these couples must be aware of the unique countertransference which will necessitate tuning into one’s own attitudes about race, class and the assumptions that stem from these beliefs. There may also be identifications and counter-identifications within the mixed race/class couple (Pearlman, 1996). All of these issues are in addition to individual personality variances, routine life problems, issues of coming out and of just how far out each partner is and complexities involved in lesbian butch-femme identity.
Pearlman (1996) discusses therapy she provided to Julia, a forty-five year old Puerto Rican born lesbian and Susan, a fifty-year old White lesbian. Their major conflict revolved around how Susan perceived Julia’s relationship with her son. Susan thought Julia was over involved with her son and her entire family. Susan saw Julia’s son as spoiled. Susan’s children accepted her lesbianism, but Julia’s son has not accepted that his mother is a lesbian. He had refused to visit their home if Susan was home. Beyond being furious with Julia’s son’s attitude she was also upset that Julia didn’t “put him in his place” (Pearlman, 1996, p. 28). She felt that Julia was placing her son above her. On the other hand, Julia thought her son just needed time to accept their relationship. She worried about losing her son along with future grandchildren if she was confrontational toward him (Pearlman, 1996).
In psychotherapy the couple explored and came to see the cultural meanings of their different behaviors and values and led to them being able to unpersonalize the conflicts these led them to. When they understood and addressed different family values and mothering styles they were able to decrease their defensiveness and anger, as a result new conversations were able to evolve (Pearlman, 1996).
Susan and Julia demonstrates a phenomenon that I also noted in my interviews. The couples friends and all of their social life revolved around activities that wereWhite orientated. While Julia did enjoy these friends and events, she also felt even intimidated at times and self conscious about her accent which made her feel that she was speaking “badly” (Pearlman, 1996, p. 29). The White women were also more educated making her feel that they wouldn’t be interested in her. She wanted to have some Puerto Rican lesbians friends too. As a result of therapy Susan started thinking about learning some Spanish (Pearlman, 1996). Issues of newly labeled Ebonics may impact Black and White couples in a similar fashion.
Another couple Pearlman discussed was Sheryl a forty two year old African American lesbian and her partner, Gena a fifty three year old Jewish lesbian. They initially came to therapy because of financial problems, however many other aspects of their relationship that were stress provoking. They were very isolated and without support systems. Both families struggled to accept their lesbianism and their racial differences. As a result, neither could relax with the other’s family. Gena’s friends thought she would probably lose interest in Sheryl, so they didn’t take the relationship seriously. Sheryl’s friends not only encouraged her to date other Black lesbians, but criticized her for being with a White women. Sheryl was uncomfortable, angry and felt intimidated around Gena’s friends. Through therapy they came to see that they could seek out the social support they needed by connecting with other mixed race couples (Pearlman, 1996).
Gena perceived their financial problems as being the result of anti-Semitism and Jewish stereotypes. Sheryl thought she was being degraded for being stupid about money, which had racial undertones to her. In therapy they discovered the different meaning money had in terms of survival among Black and Jewish societies. Gena came to have a deeper understanding of why Sheryl had the sense of family responsibility that she did along with her personal reasons for needing to wearing fashionable clothes (Pearlman, 1996).
Each of the two couples that Pearlman (1996) provided therapy for had to learn how to speak freely about racial issues and to be more sensitive about their partner’s feelings about the relative safeness of different neighborhoods. Gena was concerned about Sheryl’s level of comfort with being the only lesbian of color among their lesbian gatherings. Both White women required many years to see their own racial privilege despite learning of racism’s pervasiveness first-hand. Sheryl openly reflected on whether or not her preference for White women had anything to do with racial self-hate. Julia and Sheryl were angry with their partners, they feared losing themselves and their own culture as a result of loving a White woman (Pearlman, 1996).
Each woman’s appreciation for cultural differences was enhanced and grew to a point of enjoying customs of the other culture. The four women said they felt that their partner was able to fill in a place within themselves that was under developed. All four also found their physical differences to be sexually exciting (Pearlman, 1996).
Clinicians who become sensitized to race and class differences place themselves in privileged positions of being able to observe the relational dynamics and conflicts that come out of mixed-race relationships. Their understanding of these differences can be used to help client’s to clarify and understand how these issues effect their relationships. Power struggles can be reframed, difference can be personalized thus bringing new meanings to light. Validation from clinicians also affirms the cultures of both partners (Pearlman, 1996).
Both of the couples that I interviewed failed to address their racial differences in a way that made them both feel validated. Annie and Pat didn’t discuss it and Dawn and Shirley kept isolated for many years. Both couples had definite problems that might have been worked out had sensitive and informed counseling helped them to develop a deeper understanding of the barriers that stood between them. They might all have been armed with information that could have enriched their relationships.
Interracial couples learn many new things which can enhance their relationship. Clunis and Green suggest that women not let difference keep them from loving each other, because it can also bring joy into relationships (Clunis & Green, 1993).
According to Susan Sherwin (1992), feminist ethicists assert that unless people’s oppression is included in moral discourse, the discourse itself is unethical. Rhoda Unger and Mary Crawford (1992 ) say that traditional therapy has not addressed the needs of diverse varieties of women. Psychological diagnosis and symptomology include assumptions about class, race, ethnicity, and sexual orientation, enmeshed within labels attributed to people. Thus the mental health system has historically excluded women’s oppression and values. Exclusion isn’t only unethical for moral reasons, it contributes to and actually causes many of the mental health problems experienced by all the various groups of women.
Laura Brown (1989) questions whether the large number of homosexuals receiving or who have received psychotherapy is due to large numbers with pathology or whether, in context, it’s a health-seeking strategy to deal with societal ambiguity. Unless therapy comes out of Black and White women’s experience it harms them and as a result is unethical. For Black and White women’s therapy to be truly therapeutic and ethical it must deconstruct the social context and so-called symptomology attributed to their so-called “madness”. A feminist paradigm of therapy must come out of the lived experiences of all types of women. We must de-internalize patriarchy’s notion of who we are and what’s possible for us in interracial relationships. Isn’t love the one universal aspect of our humanity? Isn’t it one thing we’ve all learned from our culture? Might not love itself be the cure? What color is love anyway? Mightn’t interracial mating be an evolutionary way to get beyond racism? Ann Stanford (1994), (a previous teacher at DePaul), said that within a racist and sexist society, “ … the community is both the disease and the cure.”
References
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