Category: Grief-Loss

Fatherless Daughters

Fatherless Daughters: Turning the Pain of Loss into the Power of Forgiveness 

By Pamela Thomas. (2018)

From Amazon.com:  “A moving, elegantly written, and exhaustively researched account of what it means for a girl to lose a father to death or divorce—with advice for fatherless daughters on how to cope. 

“People who lose their parents early in life are like fellow war veterans. As soon as they discover that they are talking to someone else who has lost a parent, they know they are speaking the same language without uttering a word.”

Pamela Thomas gives voice to this unspoken pain in Fatherless Daughters.Still haunted by her own father’s death when she was ten, Thomas decided to explore its effects. Though her journey began as a personal one, she soon felt the need to hear from other women and ended up interviewing more than one hundred fatherless women. They ranged in age from nineteen to ninety-four; they came from all areas of the country as well as Europe and Asia; some had lost their fathers to death, others to divorce or abandonment. Each account was unique, but the impact of a father’s loss was profound in every woman’s life.

Thomas begins by defining what it means to be a father in our world. She discusses the initial shock of his loss, exploring the aspects that color how a young girl experiences it: her age at the time of her father’s death or abandonment, her mother’s behavior and attitudes, her place in the family vis-à-vis siblings, and the influence of a stepfather or father-surrogates.

Thomas shows how a father’s early death or abandonment affects a woman’s emotional health and self-esteem, her body image, her sexual experiences, her marriage, her family life, and her career. Perhaps most important, Thomas offers compassionate advice for coming to terms with father loss, even late in life, from actively mourning, to healing, to starting fresh.”

We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead

We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead, by Pat Schwiebert  (Author), Taylor Bills (Illustrator) (2003)

Age Range: 2 – 5 years

From Amazon.com, “A new book from the author of “When Hello Means Goodbye.” Created especially for children who are suffering the loss of their families pregnancy.”

Couple Communication After a Baby Dies

Couple Communication After a Baby Dies: Differing Perspectives, by Sherokee Ilse (Author), Tim Nelson (Author) 2008.

From Amazon.com, “Couple Communication is a unique book that helps bereaved parents at the time of their loss and in the days and months ahead. It offers hope, encouragement, and promotes healthy communication between partners who have suffered the ultimate loss of a baby.

Such a loss can shake the very core of a relationship, changing parents forever. The long process of healing can be significantly enhanced if parents remember things such as: ‘Love and loss are a part of life, just as joy and sorrow are a part of the human experience. Don’t add to your pain by attempting to deny your loss…talk with each other, tell your partner what you are feeling and what you need. Don’t try to hide behind work or keeping busy or staying in bed.’ The authors also offer extensive advice on the importance of communication, some of which includes, ‘Communication is not only what you say, but how it is perceived by the person listening. Communication is also what you don’t say as you interact. Judging each other’s words and deeds by using your intuituition or making guesses is dangerous. When you are in doubt, don’t assume, instead check it out – ask. Make communication a priority, even during difficult times. This could be the key to saving your marriage and strengthening your love for each other.’

Sherokee and Tim share their insights–insights that have the benefit of decades of hindsight – as a man and a woman following the deaths of their children and how they and their spouses met many challenges. In addition to sharing their personal ‘couple’ stories, the authors present topics such as ‘Personality and past experiences often influence how each of us grieves,’ ‘Give each other the benefit of the doubt,’ ‘A challenge to faith,’ ‘Just because it looks broken to you does not mean it needs fixing,’ ‘Brain differences may influence how we grieve,’ ‘Will having another baby miake it better?’ ‘Regrets and guilt,’ ‘Intimacy,’ ‘ and Compromise and getting along.’

Toward the end of the book, the reader will find other couples contributions and a later section offers thought provoking questions and conversation starters to be used privately by couples or in support groups or counseling sessions.”

Something Happened: A Book for Children and Parents Who Have Experienced Pregnancy Loss

Something Happened: A Book for Children and Parents Who Have Experienced Pregnancy Loss, by Cathy Blanford (2012)

From Amazon.com, “This beautifully illustrated, simple, clear story is designed to help a young child understand what has happened when there has been a pregnancy loss. The book addresses the sadness that a child experiences when the anticipated baby has died. The child’s fears and feelings of guilt are addressed as well as other confusing feelings. Perhaps most important, the book includes the family’s experience of going on with life while always remembering their baby. The child reading the book is left with a sense of reassurance that life continues and he is still a vital part of a loving family. Most pages include a box with words for parents. These words are there to help parents understand what their child might be experiencing and why the particular illustrations and text were chosen. They are right there on each page so that the parents don’t miss them and can easily scan them while their children look at the illustrations. Children who have experienced a death in their family are very reassured by stories of other children who have had a similar experience. It helps them to understand better what has happened in their own family while at the same time offering the comforting knowledge that they are not alone in their feelings.”

Angel Baby: A Journal of Healing After the Loss of an Unborn, Born Still, or Newborn Child

Angel Baby: A Journal of Healing After the Loss of an Unborn, Born Still, or Newborn Child, by Carey Knifong. (2005)

From Amazon.com, “Angel Baby was written to give comfort to mothers who have tragically lost their babies to miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death. It is an open-ended journal guiding the bereaved mother along the journey of healing. It includes information about the grief process, sentence starters to assist the grieving mother in writing her thoughts, and a dialogue sharing both the author’s thoughts and letters to her Angel Baby. The author offers these glimpses into her own experiences to help validate the grieving mother’s feelings and to help her understand the vast array of emotions she is feeling. In addition, topics such as keepsakes, dealing with others, returning to work, handling holidays, spirituality, the marital relationship, siblings’ grief, and the grandparents’ reaction are addressed. The journal concludes by encouraging the mother to recount her pregnancy memories and to record how she has integrated her experiences into her life.”

No New Baby: For Siblings Who Have a Brother or Sister Die Before Birth

No New Baby: For Siblings Who Have a Brother or Sister Die Before Birth (Nnc), by Marilyn Gryte  (Author), Kristi McClendon (Illustrator) (1988)

Grade Level: 3 – 4

From Amazon.com, “For siblings who have a brother or sister die before birth. This storybook talks about the different feelings children have and answers some of the most asked questions. Recently revised, includes a section for parents and grandparents. Illustrations are done by Kristi McClendon.”

On Wings of Light: Finding Hope When the Heart Needs Healing

On Wings of Light: Finding Hope When the Heart Needs Healing, by Joan Borysenko, PhD (Author), Joan Drescher (Author) (2003)

From Amazon.com, “This is a book about remembering what we have always known in our hearts but forgotten in our minds. That behind all appearances, beyond the illusion of separateness, we are one. We are one with ourselves, with each other, with the supernal light of creation. We are bridges between spriit and matter. We are the agents, the channels, the beings through which love manifests in this world. In this remembering lies our destiny, our hope, our joy and our healing.”

A Journey in the Moon Balloon

A Journey in the Moon Balloon: When Images Speak Louder than Words, by Joan Drescher (Author, Illustrator), Joan Borysenko, PhD (Foreword) (2015)

Age Range: 4 – 11 years

From Amazon,com, “Take a journey in a hot air balloon to see the world differently. Open your heart, drop your fears, relax and get in touch with your feelings. This colorfully illustrated interactive journal with a delightful story line has been used to help children of all ages express their emotions and feel better about themselves and the world through writing, drawing, and symbols. This fully updated and expanded edition is overflowing with new stories and activities to unleash creative expression and allow images to do the talking.

A Journey in The Moon Balloon® is an indispensable tool for parents, teachers, counsellors, art therapists, health care professionals and all those concerned with bringing emotional healing to children.”