Couple Communication After a Baby Dies: Differing Perspectives, by Sherokee Ilse (Author), Tim Nelson (Author) 2008.
From Amazon.com, “Couple Communication is a unique book that helps bereaved parents at the time of their loss and in the days and months ahead. It offers hope, encouragement, and promotes healthy communication between partners who have suffered the ultimate loss of a baby.
Such a loss can shake the very core of a relationship, changing parents forever. The long process of healing can be significantly enhanced if parents remember things such as: ‘Love and loss are a part of life, just as joy and sorrow are a part of the human experience. Don’t add to your pain by attempting to deny your loss…talk with each other, tell your partner what you are feeling and what you need. Don’t try to hide behind work or keeping busy or staying in bed.’ The authors also offer extensive advice on the importance of communication, some of which includes, ‘Communication is not only what you say, but how it is perceived by the person listening. Communication is also what you don’t say as you interact. Judging each other’s words and deeds by using your intuituition or making guesses is dangerous. When you are in doubt, don’t assume, instead check it out – ask. Make communication a priority, even during difficult times. This could be the key to saving your marriage and strengthening your love for each other.’
Sherokee and Tim share their insights–insights that have the benefit of decades of hindsight – as a man and a woman following the deaths of their children and how they and their spouses met many challenges. In addition to sharing their personal ‘couple’ stories, the authors present topics such as ‘Personality and past experiences often influence how each of us grieves,’ ‘Give each other the benefit of the doubt,’ ‘A challenge to faith,’ ‘Just because it looks broken to you does not mean it needs fixing,’ ‘Brain differences may influence how we grieve,’ ‘Will having another baby miake it better?’ ‘Regrets and guilt,’ ‘Intimacy,’ ‘ and Compromise and getting along.’
Toward the end of the book, the reader will find other couples contributions and a later section offers thought provoking questions and conversation starters to be used privately by couples or in support groups or counseling sessions.”