1990
De Paul University
Writing from the Inside
Teacher: Zoe Keithley
The First Day of Nursery School
This was a big day. Jenny’s first day at nursery school. I was full of ambivalence: was it really awful to want time (4 hours a week) without the kid? would she think I was abandoning her with strangers? would this be a major life trauma to my little 2+ 3/4 year old? Or was it a healthy, stimulating, good experience for her socialization? Oh God, how I debated doing it. Oh, the guilt I felt. Oh, how I longed for 2 hours twice a week to have to myself. Oh, to take a leak uninterrupted. Oh, to go to the grocery store and not have to worry about being thrown out because she knocked down the can pyramid or toppled 12 thousand oranges.
The drive there took forever. She asked a hundred questions. Will there be other kids there? How many kids will be there? Will there be any kids I know there? Will it be a man or woman teacher? How long do I get to stay there? Do they watch Sesame Street in that school? Do they play games? How did even a mom know all of this?
As we drove into the parking lot I saw her raise the door lock. As soon as the car stopped, she was out the door. I hurried to catch up with her. We found her room without much trouble. The teacher was very nice. Miss Collins began to explain to Jenny what they did in nursery school. She introduced herself to the other students. She came to walk me to the door as Jenny went with the other kids to check out the gerbils in the corner. The teacher said I could go now and that it would be best if I kept walking when Jenny started to cry; they all do when they realize that mom won’t be staying. She said just to keep going and act like it’s normal to leave your child. Oh my God, I wasn’t sure if I could do it or not. Did I really have to have 4 hours a week to myself? Did Jenny really need to learn to socialize with other kids?
I got as far as the door, stepped just outside the door, and peeked back in; I was being brave and risking the sight of her tear-streaked face. I saw none. I saw her running up to the door, grabbing it by the handle, and pushing it shut in my face.
I have never felt guilty about pawning off my kid at nursery school. Obviously, she needed to enjoy other kids, to learn that others can care for her, to be away from mom, and to grow on her own.