De Paul University
Writing from the Inside
Teacher: Zoe Keithley
Hopes
I hope to do work someday in which my caring counts. In the work I do now there are no rewards for caring, for going out of your way to try to make things better for the patient. Don’t even think about doing things in a new or creative way. You first and foremost must go by policy no matter what. Even if the following policy is to the detriment of the patient, nurse, family, or hospital. No matter how much you care – it is the policy that counts.
And as an agency nurse, it’s even worse, “they” must like your appearance, your shoes, the way you walk, the way you answer call lights, the way you chart your care, what you do when there isn’t anything to do and every word you say.
You must be perfect because they watch your every move; you are being evaluated every second. I wonder how many of us could survive this constant critiquing. Who could pass these tests daily? Who wants to? You must never make waves, even if the waves are out of care. You must know exactly what things, not to do, that should be done, so that you look efficient. I wonder how many workers could tolerate this and pass the harsh tests that we must pass.
They hate us because we make twice if not more than twice, what the staff nurses make – but we deserve it for what we must put up with and go through. If “they” find one little thing they don’t approve of about you they just call the agency and tell them never to send you back; you have no recourse, no grievance procedure you could use to defend your professional reputation. In other words, you’re screwed.
I have creative, progressive ideas, that do not go along with strict policies; I do not fit in a restrictive workplace.
I hate this feeling of working in places where I don’t fit in, I don’t feel I could ever “belong” because I see things so differently than they do. I can’t work with people who need to follow policies instead of their mind and their hearts. I need to tell people the truth so they can control their own health care. The patients need to make their own policies.
Only my patients sense my caring. You would think that would be enough, but it is not. So in the not soon enough future, I will work on my own to remove barriers to patients’ rights to make intelligent, “really” informed decisions about their health care.