Category: Couples

Limitations During Conflicts

What is and what is not acceptable behavior while you’re having a conflict? (be specific, including voice tone, physicality, what you do and don’t want said, and how the argument starts and ends).

For me, it’s acceptable to behave in the following ways during a fight:

For me, it’s NOT acceptable to behave in the following ways during a fight:

Share with each other what you wrote above then take notes on your partner’s limits below:

For my partner, it’s acceptable to behave in the following ways during a fight:

For my partner, it’s NOT acceptable to behave in the following ways during a fight:

Talk about how you’d like to limit your conflicts. List limits you can both agree to keep.

List limits you can’t agree upon below:

 

About the Future

-What would your relationship be like if your current problems were solved?

-Please share your hopes and/or goals for your relationship.

–What strengths do you have as a couple that could be used to help you solve your problems?

–Is it possible that you’re both focusing on how bad things are that you’ve lost touch of your abilities to improve your situation?

–Try shifting your concerns from the problems/weaknesses to your strengths as a couple …

–What’s your role in producing or maintaining the problem you’re currently experiencing?

 

When Mental Illness Strikes: Tips for Couples

By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.
~ 4 min read

At Psychcentral.com

http://psychcentral.com/lib/when-mental-illness-strikes-tips-for-couples/

The Experience of Anger

How I have experienced anger.

Focus on recalling the last time you felt angry.

 -How did you experience your anger in your body?

-What thoughts went through your mind?

-What other feelings did you feel?

Focus on recalling the most powerful anger you’ve ever felt in your life.

-How did you experience your anger in your body?

-What thoughts went through your mind?

-What other feelings did you feel?

Discuss the association between your sense of yourself and your angry feelings.

Paraphrased from seminar “Helping Couples Manage Anger & Work Through Conflicts”, by Fran Giordano, April 11, 2009.

Three Fights in One

Use this model as a journal format to write about the thoughts and feelings that come to you as you read and think about the ideas above.

There are actually 3 things going on for all fights, they are:

1.What you’re fighting about right now

2.The history of this conflict during the history of your relationship

3.About pain from both of your families of origin such as unmet needs in your childhood.

Paraphrased from seminar “Helping Couples Manage Anger & Work Through Conflicts”, by Fran Giordano, April 11, 2009.

Communicating Feelings About Our Relationship

The two of you created your relationship and how it does or does not function today. No one person is responsible for it not working the way you’d like.

In our relationship, I feel appreciated when you …

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In our relationship, I feel loved when you …

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In our relationship, I feel happiest when you …

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In our marriage, I feel saddest when you …

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In our relationship, I feel angriest when you …

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In our relationship, I would like more …

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In our relationship, I would like less …

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In our relationship, I feel close to you when …

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What I like most about our relationship is …

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My greatest concern about our relationship is …

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Our relationship could be greatly improved if we both …